morning haiku

rain: pitter patter
against my window at dawn;
shut my eyes to dream.

Vegas

What happens in Vegas leaves Vegas if you neglect to wear a condom.

Going green

My theory: Homeless people are not so much homeless as they are just vigorous conservationists dedicated to recycling bottles across the world.

Accusations

The other night my girlfriend woke up from a nap and in her half-asleep stupor accused me of stealing her bookmark. I grabbed her throat and said: “If you tell anyone about this I will kill your nephews.” She’s kept her mouth shut since.

Strength

Whatever doesn’t kill me will probably weaken my immune system to the point where I will die soon after.